Notes on gay

Courtesy of the DFA message board, here is an essay of pure brilliance written by The Juan Maclean:

"Juan only uses the word 'gay' in one way - in reference to the art of same sex sexual relations. For example, when one dude places his penis inside the anus of another dude, then reaches around and strokes the other dudes penis, that's called "fucking a dude in the ass," and that is 'gay,' unless it meets certain guidelines, mentioned elsewhere on this forum, then it might not be gay. The reacharound is simply good manners.

Being a gay is not something you do with your body, it is an existential state of being. You can't make yourself gay, and you can't unmake yourself gay. The Lord made gays because there are too many people on the earth. The heteros (breeders) can't control themselves, or at least use proper contraception, and they make too many people. For this reason, Jesus has ordered more and more gays as time goes on. 100 years ago there weren't nearly as many gays as there are now.

For this reason, many consider the gay an evolutionary progression. They dress better, dance better, generally are up for a better time, and rarely, if ever, ask you questions about the esoteric gear you are playing on stage. Unlike girls, you have to chat them up far less in order to secure a sexual liason.

When they take over an area of a city, that area very quickly has better coffee. This is because gays like to stay up late, so they set up real nice coffee shops and cafes wherever they go.

Sometimes it's hard to say who is gay and who is not. Sometimes gays that are in hiding, covering up their identity as gay (even going so far as to get married), are referred to as being 'in the closet.' That one Top Gun dude is an example, not Goose but the other guy.

So in general, it is better to be gay than not gay. There are sexual reorientation programs out there that you can try if you are interested in switching. I tried one, but they seemed to get upset after they realized I was not a gay trying to be not-gay, but a not-gay looking to become a gay. It really sucked because I had bought a lot of the accessories and everything already, which can cost a lot of money. So my advice is that you not spend a lot of money on stuff like housewares, clothes, reinforced condoms, etc., before seeking sexual reorienatation therapy."

Like I said: pure brilliance.