THE END OF EVERYTHING, I THINK

Upon finishing the post below, something was nagging at me. Like I had forgotten something. And then it hit me.

Besides this week being the 10th anniversary of the first time Mark Mothasemi and I took to the stage with the teenage versions of Ash and Tom, a year ago this past weekend, the aggression played what will be most likely be their last ever show. From what I recall, it was a good gig, though honestly, we were always good (though we got REALLY good once Robin came in). We played here in the City and the other band no showed, so we were able to do our extended set without having to cut anything. it was sparsely attended, especially in comparison to our previous NYC shows, but it was hastily put together and we had just come back from Russia when the opportunity to play arose. While we had several gigs over the past 10 years that were supposed to be our last, the one time I didn't think was the last one, was in fact, THE LAST GIG EVER (TM). I've not seen a video of this gig because, according to Matt Gentile, the tape is "fucked up". I nag him occasionally about this, but there's a romanticism to never seeing it

I always felt like the aggression should have gone out like the end of Michael Mann's HEAT, in an overblown blaze of glory. That gig has been played over and over in my head millions of times. From what I would wear to what I would play, the gig was preconceived for the past few years. I don't think I was alone in that as I recall Ash having a set list for such a gig (as well as several drafted letters of resignation). I was about to share with you my thoughts on what that gig should be. I've decided against it as I think what you are speculating might be better than what I had planned.

I thought I would be more emotional about it, but I guess I got over it more quickly than I anticipated. This could be because I remain in such close, daily, contact with the people who did matter and worked hard to make the aggression something special. Another reason, and I can see this with time having passed, I was fucking miserable in the band thanks to the lack of focus and maturity within it. But if I am anything, I am loyal and I was the general who took the ship down to a noble death. Let's be frank, we only sold a few thousand records, we were never even a blip on a radar. However, for ten years it was the world I and a few others lived in and while I can never forgive the few who tried to fuck with it, I love that the music and the experiences will be something no one can ever take away or tarnish. I wanted to save the industrial scene when bands i adored like Chemlab and Skinny Puppy went away. With all of these old schoolers coming back and putting out records, I can rest easier knowing we kept our elders seats warm in their absence.

From the pits of the Underworld to the former Soviet Union, the casualty rate was shockingly low and most of the friendships remain intact. Plus, some records came out that I love to pieces. They proudly hang on my well as reminders of the wonderful life I have led for 10 years.

And don't think I don't seen the irony in the fact that the one of last songs the aggression ever played was in fact, Hypefactor's SWEETEST SOUL.

HAH.

F