BEST. SHIT EVER.

I thought nothing could top the aggression reunion, but this does:

"Up for auction is Vincent Gallo's sperm. Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro fertilization. (A $50,000 value) If the first attempt at in vitro fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical costs related to additional attempts. Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself. Those of you who have found this merchandise page are very well aware of Mr. Gallo’s multiple talents, but to add further insight into the value of Mr. Gallo’s sperm, aside from being multi talented in all creative fields, he was also multi talented as an athlete, winning several awards for performing in the games of baseball, football and hockey and making it to the professional level of grand prix motorcycle racing. Mr. Gallo is 5’11” and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it’s a boy. (8 inches if he’s like his father.) I don’t know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can’t hurt. Mr. Gallo also presently maintains a distinctively full head of hair and at the age of 43 has surprisingly few gray hairs. Though his features are sharp and extreme, they would probably blend well with a softer, more subtly featured female. Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar. To be clear, the purchase of Mr. Gallo’s sperm does not include the use of the name Gallo. The purchaser must find another surname for the child. Good luck bidding."

http://cgi.ebay.com/Vincent-Gallo-Sperm_W0QQitemZ7558568610QQcategoryZ197QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Hell. Frozen. Over.

Live, New York City. 7 January, 2006. See you there, bitches.

"No, REALLY?"

George Takei Says He's Gay. I never even once thought this. ever. Someone get Shatner on the phone ASAP.

F

Stalked!

Speaking of fine wool, this was just posted on www.ashleysaunders.com:

503: CELEBRITIY SIGHTING: FJ

I saw FJ walking south on 5th Avenue when I was out for lunch.

He was surrounded by a massive entourage, so it's understandable that he didn't see me. It's probably a good thing, too, because the wind had rocked my hair like a hurricane. So while I didn't get to enjoy talking to him, I did have the pleasure of sending him a stalkerish text about it.

Wool!

Ok, I'm back. I beat the main part of THE WARRIORS and have returned to grace you with the self-indulgence you pay no money to read ever so often here. So I'll get right down to it:

*THE WARRIORS game makes up for the fiasco that is the "Ultimate" version of the film recently released on DVD. Outside the Lucas games and the 007 games, this might be one of the best adpatations I can recall in the videogame world. The guys who did this game LOVE the source material and have created something so true to the movie that the attention to detail to charcters and that universe is occasionaly scary. Three complaints: 1. It's too short (the actual events of the movie are the least interesting parts of the game), 2. The camera needs improvement (difficult when you have dozens of people fighting) and 3. The post-story universe should have been all of Manhattan as opposed to just part of Coney. These are minor complaints, though I feel a sequel to the game could be fucking massive. Great game.

*My non-STAR WARS or BATMAN movie of the year could be KISS KISS BANG BANG, which marks the full-force return of Robert Downey Jr. and the start of a new, hopefully non-insane, phase of Val Kilmer's career. This sharp, witty tour de force by LETHAL WEAPON creator Shane Black, in his directorial debut, is nothing short of hilarious and excellent. I loved this movie beyond words and you can't believe the chemistry between Downey and Kilmer. And I must praise the actress MIchelle Monaghan, (who was awesome in CONSTANTINE before all of her scenes were chopped out), who, along with Rachel McAdams, might be the breakout star of the year. She stands toe to toe with two screen vets and hold her own with no problem. This is a great film and certainly one of my faves this year. Check this out.

*Depeche Mode have a new album out and of course we have tickets for their December 7 gig at the Garden. The new album is being widely praised as their best since VIOLATOR, which is where I start looking for the publicist who is trying to earn a paycheck. (Hello...it was called SONGS OF FAITH AND DEVOTION). Is the new album good? YES! Very good, in fact, much better than the last one, which I liked a lot. Is it their, like, best shit ever? No, but again it's REALLY FUCKING GOOD, and I think people are praising it because it in no way sucks. As I had hoped, Dave wrote a few songs and they are the ones i like best on the album, especially the track NOTHING'S IMPOSSIBLE. However, Gore should have let him do half of the album cause the songs where Gore sings are the weakest on the record. Anyhow, 25 years and still rolling. The next step though HAS to be a reunion of some kind: either with Flood or, preferebly, Wilder. Until then, it's no doubt the show will be nothing short of great.

*My ALMOST Album Of The Year is Leandro Fresco's LIZ SIN CALOR. Fresco is a well known electronic musician made famous to us via his work as Cerati's programmer, remixer, and as 1/3 of Cerati's awesome, yet still unreleased, electronic project Roken (which also features the talents of Cerati's longtime collaborator Flavius E, whose new album CONJUNCTION, is quite good as well). B and I have been tracking Fresco's records down for years and Brandt has recently become pen pals with the guy via E-mail. This new CD is a super album of warm electronics that just feels fresh and alive. He even samples an obscure Duran album track. The reason this album is not Album Of The Year and it's SO close, is because it's too short and needed like two more great tunes to round it out. It's certainly top 5 of the year. It was a nice surprise to see this come out as we thought between the Roken gigs and Fresco being involved with Cerati's new album, that there was nothing new on the horizon. Brandt loves that this guy sometimes goes topless. www.Leandrofresco.com

*I finally made it to Brandt's new place in Brooklyn, which will be our new recording HQ and it's a pretty sweet space. Very comfortable and a lot more room than the Birdcage. We spent Sunday going through the HF album and what needs to be done and started coming up with a the gameplan to get this fucker on track. It's gonna sound fucking awesome and I'm back at work editing, tweaking etc. This new space will raise the comfort level quite a bit, I think. I want to call it Studio Anus, but I think we need to wait a bit before christening the space. Meanwhile, the dog still wants to eat shit, but I digress...

*Speaking of eating shit, your friend, not mine, Anus McManus wrote me twice recently. In one Email, which was a response to my previous blog entry, he mentioned something about me and James Remar's penis and in the one I received yesterday, he told me he wanted to poo in my mouth and called me a "blog bitch". Sadly I have run out of suspects, but I feel the culprit or culprits were here on Monday night.

*Vincent Cassel has a movie coming out where he beats the shit out of Clive Owen and tries to kill Jennifer Aniston. This sounds glorious.

F

GONE

Ok, you've lost me and you're going to lose me for the time being. Why? The WARRIORS game came out and it's simply the best video game adaptation of a film I have ever played. Most games waste their time trying to milk a feature film into a game, but the folks at Rockstar obviously love that 2 hour movie so much that they have gone and created an entire backstory and spent time actually developing the characters. And is it violent? You bet your ass it is. The very essence of all that is great about The Warriors is captured here. We held "Warriors Night" here on Wednesday night where Lurch, Evan, G and I (Irene wisely went out to avoid hearing us all speak like James "Ajax" Remar) played till the wee hours of the morning. It was a fun and tiring event and now I am way deep into this excellent game. This is truly brilliant stuff.

Also brilliant is Joss Wheedon's SERENITY, which I loved in a huge way and is certainly going on my "Best Of" list this year. Sadly, the movie is not being seen by the masses and is, in fact, a big ass flop financally, but the movie is excellent. It has its moments where it seems too much like a TV episode (FYI, I have never seen the original series this is based on), but storywise, acting wise, etc this is a wonderful new universe that sadly will probably only live on in comics and novels. I think it was promoted wrong and promoted like a TV series and all targeted to the fanboys. There's much more to this awesome movie than the masses will ever realize.

Went to a screening of BREAKFAST ON PLUTO, and it was really enjoyable stuff. Cillian Murphy shows all the reasons why he was NOT cast as Batman playing a trannie searching for his mother in 70's era UK. The movie is very good and Murphy is a wonderful actor, but I have to say the movie's best moments were all in the second act when a shockingly good Gavin Friday appears as an Irish musician with a few secrets to hide. He's electric onscreen and his new songs are solid (I hope there's a soundtrack). Bryan Ferry also pops up for a cameo and is really sleazy good. Qui Gon speaks through the force in this film as a priest. All in all a good small movie with some great acting.

On the music front, I'm happy to report that I sent the Chemlab Remix album in for mastering this week and am hoping to get back the mastered copy of the aggression's remix album sometime next week. So that's two almost out the door! More to discuss in the coming weeks, I think.

Ok, so I apologize NOW for the lack of blogging due to the Warriors. If you want, I will unblock the blog so Anus can post and keep you all company. How's that?

F

"The Worst Night Ever" as told by Lurch, guest blogger

“A man’s dreams are an index of his greatness…in Shatner.”
Chinese fortune cookie, with addendum

Greatness takes effort. Left to its own devices, life is more likely to settle into its own grey torpor…a needle tic above or below the zero point separates how we feel about ourselves following a day on the couch watching “Girlfriends” reruns. But to really achieve an extreme, you must dream, aspire, and execute, whether it involves a trip to Russia (as our good friends Frank and Dan have experienced), or to truly, truly, have the worst day ever.

I have known Frank and Dan for sixteen years. During that time, we have shared many experiences, including the rise and fall of Frank’s first auspicious band, the emergence of the International Man of Mystery, too many dawnings of new years to count, and the revelation of Crazy Scarheaded Bitch on “Melrose Place” (come back Marcia, all is forgiven). And as men who have known how to live, it’s only fitting that we know how to really suck. It begins with an email exchange on Thursday:

“Hey guys…should we go see ‘Domino’ before the reviews sap our motivation?”

Let’s parse this out. Together, we are planning, a day in advance, to see a film starring Mickey Rourke, DBag aka Mr. Kari Wuhrer nee Mr. Tori Spelling, Ian “That’s EyeAn” Ziering, Keira Knightley’s fleabites, Dabney Coleman, and Walken. Actually, that cast is a good reason to see the movie. But it is already being identified as a crime against god and nature, sharing space with “Elizabethtown” as the only things on earth with lower approval ratings than Dubya. We are planning, with full knowledge that given time, wisdom will set in, and as reasonable men we will spend our time on other worthy pursuits. Given, as a unit, we’ve seen “The Specialist” (and one of us gave it a standing ovation), “The Quick and the Dead,” and “Johnny Mnemonic,” but we were young then and unaware of our mortality. Now, we are older, wiser and sadder, and spending our finite time on earth not only planning to waste two of those vital hours, but anticipating the chance to squander those hours.

That fateful Thursday email was only the first. Over the course of the next 24 hours, we three exchanged many more emails planning this. A plan which took a vital turn when Dan writes the fateful words:

“Dulli might make a surprise visit at Mighty Fine tonight.”

To parse this brief email…’Dulli’ is Greg Dulli, rock hero and one of the three people I would want to be if I were not me (along with Maxwell and Robbie Williams, although Robbie’s falling fast off the new single). Mighty Fine is the new band of a member of the Twilight Singers. I should note that I didn’t know which member he was, but Dan and F. did. Again, we have no enthusiasm for Mighty Fine. But perhaps the slim promise of Dulli, rock hero, will save us from our rendezvous with Domino.

Instead, Frank ups the ante, mentioning that Mighty Fine goes off at 9:30/10, meaning we can make a 12:05 of Domino. That’s right…we’re now planning a doubleheader. Keep in mind that as a rock hero, Dulli probably doesn’t get up for brunch until 11. We are explicitly discussing the fact that this is not happening, because a truly sucky night must be premeditated. For the next six hours, we are desperately attempting to get on the mailing list for a nonexclusive event at a random NY club in the Bowery like it is the Meatpacking District and we are looking to have our asses in Gawker Stalker. Six hours.
At 8, Frank, Dan, Irene (because every bad scene needs a celebrity hostage), and I meet at New Green Bo (we’ll leave this free of the suckage…it was the best, as always). Then we make our way to Crash Mansion. Crash Mansion is like the basement of a frat house (believe me, I know), only with more fake slate. The scene is actually a battle of the bands. The first band is basically the Gin Blossoms, only without the guy who drank himself to death writing hooky songs about drinking oneself to death. The lead singer might be the guy from Coheed and Cambria, which means sounding like the Gin Blossoms is kind of a step up. It’s lovely though, compared to the follow up band, the Paul Rudd Experience. It turns out that Paul Rudd is a fan of bands that sound like what would happen if X and The Killers had a baby, and that baby was retarded. We also begin accumulating victims, as Brandt and Alison appear in promise of Dulli. Our ears are bleeding. We sit and stare at each other, in mixed disbelief, horror, and abject hilarity.
And then out comes Mighty Fine.
Mighty Fine is in fact fronted by a member of the Twilight Singers. A touring member. A backup singer. I observe this to Dan.

“Yeah. That’s him.”

“Dulli’s showing up to support a backup singer on one of the tours? From three years ago.”

“Probably not.”

But did that stop us from scoping the door and feeling our collective hearts leap every time we see a fat white guy in a suit come in the club? And trust me, a lot of fat white guys hang out at Crash Mansion. Mighty Fine is…fine. They are audaciously mediocre, with lots of dance moves bitten off Prince, and an ersatz Afghan Whigs song that just makes you long for what you’re not getting. Similarly to how BFF Fuss misses Otis Redding every time she hears an Afghan Whigs song.

Oh, and their set is punctuated now with cries from Dan of “Liars!” and “Where’s Dulli?” But the front man made out with some random girl in the audience (read: plant) so bully for him. And his fucking hoax fucking emails. I can’t wait to actually start sending my bank account number to that mother fucker who’s trying to escape Nigeria.

Sour, beaten, depressed failures, we leave the safe refuge of Crash Mansion. Frank begins blaming Dan (inappropriately, I think). I laugh. Brandt and Alison leave (wisely). Irene prepares her celebrity escape to Brooklyn. We walk, walk, and continually question, ‘are we really going to do this? Are we really going to see this movie? This is the shittiest night ever, and we’re going to make it worse.”

The 12:05 Domino was showing in the attic of a Loews. Most of the escalators were turned off, meaning we had to walk half of the seven floors. I stopped for popcorn and coke (TO MAKE SURE I STAYED AWAKE), so I made it just in time for the start of the film.

“Domino” is ugly, both in aesthetic and overall crapulence. At no point does any recognizably human behavior occur. In fact, until the last twenty minutes of the movie, I don’t remember there being any actual cause and effect in the movie. That is, people simply do things, like look at each other, with no sense of what those looks mean or imply about the relationships between the people or reflect changes in the way they relate to one another. For a film described as ‘shamelessly violent,’ there is very little action. That might have interfered with the looking. It plays with time and sequence and frequently undoes the truth it just told, which might be interesting if the movie, you know, “had a plot” or “said something.”Keira Knightley’s narration is second only to Mila Kunis’ narration in “American Psycho 2” and I say that not to be show offy or obscure, but to accurately convey where this movie sits in the history of cinema. The movie trades in the notion that you have seen this millions of times before, so it can skip all the bits that happen in other movies. Which basically constitutes everything that is not posing. Perhaps this is notable for a movie about a model turned bounty hunter. Basically, I liked this movie a lot better when it starred Shannon Tweed.

There are two possibilities for “Domino.” Possibility A: it is too advanced for me. It is possible that the film is a complex satire about style, celebrity, and the ways in which we see each other, and how those perceptions defy simple notions of cause and effect…that our stereotypes override our ability or even need to observe others’ behavior or that we even react to one another. Possibility B: it’s a noisy, incoherent pile of suck. In favor of the second opinion...even with the appearance of Keira’s breasts, I was begging God for the movie to go as fast as its editing suggested, and to just end.

Final review honors go to Frank, who after the film stated, “Just punch me in the balls a thousand times.” The studio should feel free to use that as its pull quote.

Our exquisite planning came to pass. We didn’t believe the hype about Dulli showing, and sure enough, he didn’t. We believed the hype about “Domino’ sucking, and it did. Of the billion things one can do in New York City, the greatest, most alive city in the world, on a Friday night, this is what we chose to do. But this is not a cautionary tale. As I said, this night was a function of existential choice and aspiration. Instead, this is a way of purging the trauma. I’ve spent another 1300 words reliving how we planned the suckiest night of entertainment in our shared lives, encouraging you to read it like I was Naomi Watts and some crazy greasy little girl was going to kill my kid if I didn’t pay it forward. The thing I love about these friends of mine is that they are unashamed to dream, because that is the measure of greatness.

We dream big. And our dreams suck.

007 REVEALED!

So here's the new James Bond, Daniel Craig. He's not an obvious choice, but after seeing LAYER CAKE just last night in anticipation of this announcement, I feel he's the absolute right choice. Even moreso than Clive Owen. Daniel Craig is weird that in photographs he appears rather plain almost, yet on film he's got charisma that I feel makes him more akin to Connery than say Brosnan (who, for the record was a a fucking awesome 007). The problems with the James Bond movies as of late have nothing to do with the actor playing the role, but the producers' inability to shake things up and make it fresh and contemporary (ala BATMAN BEGINS). However, they CLAIM this will be the one that reboots the franchise. I hope they're right. They certainly have the right actor for it. Wait and see.

DICK

Richard Ashcroft has revealed his comeback album is sounding "shit hot" - and he wants to be known as a "great English songwriter".

We can only hope...

Empire!

So I can only assume that after the fall of Empire in RETURN OF THE JEDI, that Stormtroopers had to find employment elsewhere. Becoming a minder for the famouse will look good on any Imperial resume!

F

No, I CAN'T dig it...

So, THE WARRIORS are seeing a resurgence in popularity of late and finally being appreciated for the classic it always was. It was never unpopular amongst the MOGpac, starting in the early days of Dan Hamill and I in grade school discussing and re-enacting the film (of course, I always wanted to be Ajax). In later years, THE WARRIORS became a reference point of what was great about 70's cinema and was even the focus of an aggression tour laminate (as was SLAPSHOT). We're children of the 70's, for all you youngsters out there.

This month sees a videogame based on the film released by Rockstar Games, who bring great joy to my life semi-annually with their Grand Theft Auto games. Should THE WARRIORS be half as good as the last GTA, we're in good shape. Soon we will see, but the guys at Rockstar seem to be staying faithful to the film, unlike the folks at Paramount who are attempting to do an LA based "remake". Dumb.

Also dumb is the new so-called "Ultimate Directors Cut" of the classic film. This new version totally kills what is great and so realistic (for it's time) about the film by adding in some bullshit narration by director Walter Hill in the beginning about the Roman Empire (which was slated to be in the original and narrated by Orson Welles) as well as adding comic book panel animation for certain scene breaks, including onscreen panel dialogue like "Meanwhile" and "Oh Shit" which TOTALLY RUINS THE GODDAMN MOVIE. I screamed at my TV screen. Thankfuckfully, the old DVD will allow this film to exist as it is meant to me. However, this version does have cool featurettes and interviews which is enjoyable and I learned a lot about the film and its process and while a lot of these new changes were from the original plans for the movie, they just dont work. Plus they didn't add the deleted scenes that were promised for some time.

Hopefully the game will retain the spirit of the original cause this DVD certainly diminishes it. I am not usually a stickler for "special editions" and changes being made to movies (I don't have too much of a problem with Lucas fucking with STAR WARS cause to me it keeps it fresh, except one scene, which I'm sure you know), but this version of THE WARRIORS is a mistake.

Come out and play? No thanks, guy.

F

The Latest...

To say this week was dull would be an understatement. No matter how hard I tried, all attempts to see SERENITY were thwarted by hangovers, conference calls, terror threats, shit weather and poor timing due to work schedules. Then today's attempts to actually sit down and do anything were ruined by one of my RAM drives taking a massive dive, thus leading to yet another trip to the Apple store. To Apple's credit, their new Genius Bar appointment system works much better now, so the wait time wasn't as bad. Thanks to an actually helpful and nice "Genius" named Charlie, the problem was fixed in a creative and effected manner, but this powerbooks days are numbered.

*In a strange conicidence, I put on my new remastered Korean copy of the first Jackie Chan movie to really make an impact on me back in the day: WHEELS ON MEALS. I sorta didn't pay attention as I was pretty much freaking out about the powerbook getting all shitty, but I at one point today said to myself "Jesus, you know it;'s been like 20 years since Jackie, Sammo, and Yuen Biao appeared on screen together. The last time was HERE in one of my top ten films of all time: "DRAGONS FOREVER" Then literally the first thing read upon getting the laptop home is this on Monkeypeaches.com: "In the 1980s, Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung and Yuen Biao starred in such comedy classic as Project A, Wheels on Meals and Dragon Forever. During an interview with South Korea’s Yonhap News Agency, Jackie Chan said Yuen Biao would be in Project BB (aka. Project Baby or Baby Plan) he wrote. This would the first movie for the legendary trio in almost two decades. It will tell three crooks steal a baby in order to complete a deal with a gang, but none of them knows how to take care of their little hostage who, after gives them some major headache at their residence, somehow "persuades" them to give up doing bad things." Weird, huh? Exciting for us HK movie buffs and probably the cinematic equivalent of the Duran reunion for me.

*In better spirits in the evening, we threw on the recent French hit film "36 Quai des Orfèvres", which was fucking AWESOME. Of course, Hollywood is remaking it, as remaking cool foreign cop films, like INFERNAL AFFAIRS is currently the trend. Here's a bit about the film from the Edinburgh Film Festival program: "France's two biggest male stars, Gerard Depardieu and Daniel Auteuil, in this gripping drama of two rogue cops - once friends, now mortal enemies. Boasting a blue-chip cast, this widescreen extravaganza is like an inspired cross between Michael Mann's Heat and The Count of Monte Cristo, as two cops - one ruthlessly corrupt, the other obsessively determined to bring him down - do battle over almost ten years. With its immaculate production values, its intricate plotting, and two never-better performances from its leads, this gritty, hard-boiled tale of honour and betrayal (written and directed by a former cop, and based on actual events in the French force during 1980s) was France's biggest box-office hit last year - and it's easy to see why."

*I want you to know I had an E-mail exchange with the infamous Anus McManus (as I call it McAnus), who asked to be a part of this blog. He did tell me to "Taste The Anus" when I told him he was "mean", and just as he was the talk of the town last week, he is long forgotten this week. However, my current suspects involve not only someone who is mentally retarded and is probably still in the 8th grade in Garden City New York, but also a famous French film star who I will not name, but admire tremendously. Thanks to Lurch for the tip on this one.

*Thanks to poor timing, I ended up seeing the Cameron Diaz film IN HER SHOES which was actually a well made movie about two sisters. One's hot, one's fat. I felt this movie was 4 hours long. However, it does not suck and I have a feeling, being an only child, and not being a chick, that i didn't get nearly as much as the 100 bawling chicks, including my Significant Other (Irene, Not G), did. Curtis Hanson is a great director and knows which strings to pull. Again, chick flick that does not such. Well done. Supposedly it's based on a book and supposedly, according to the avid reader of the house, they didn't fuck up the movie. Rare.

*I need to vent to you my absoulte HATRED of the talentless and unfunny man known as Horatio Sanz. He represents everything that is wrong with SNL, which I just watched for the first time in years just to see Jon (Napoleon Dynamite) Heder, and while of course the show still sucks, I cannot believe this guy Sanz is still on. Formerly Jimmy Fallon's bitch, this guy cannot keep a straight face during a skit. He breaks character every time, can barely deliver the lines he's given and looks like he just arrived at work and hasn't been told what they are doing that day. He stares at cue cards like The Kidd does at porn. He's just terrible and lame and should be fired. Why are they not hiring guys like Rob Huebel and Aziz Ansari, who are truly funny bastards? Check out http://www.azizisbored.com/ for some funny shit right there.

In yet another example of conicidence or gimmick infringement, please observe the following photographic evidence that once again displays the similiarities between myself and my bass hero, Peter Hook:

FRANK DESANTO: Lotus, last Saturday night

PETER HOOK: Lotus, last Saturday night

I guess considering I basically stole EVERYTHING from the man from his bass playing, his mild insanity, and stage performance, to his hair and gut, I can venture to say that he is entitled to steal my "being seen in public with an asian chick" gimmick in return. However, I win for being photographed with two chicks and just for the look on Al's face to my left where she is thinking "I can't believe I came here with Brandt". But thats for another time.

Stay Golden. I got some big news coming...

F

Across The Water...

T'was a fun weekend. No sooner did I land back here on the right coast that I was whisked away for the evening by the S.O., who was kind enough to get myself, Brandt and his young nice lady friend on the guest list for Peter Hook's DJ set at Lotus. Hooky, of course, was awesome and DJ'd like he was at the Hacienda to a a crowd that contained SOME New Order fans, but was filled mostly with trendy douches. This of course gave us lots of material to laugh our asses off. Anyhow, the crowd was annoying as fuck till we found a nice spot upstairs with the good view of Hooky and the floor. Hooky played 45 minutes longer than scheduled and those 45 minute consisted of a "Best Of" all the different stuff he has done over the years. Lots of obscure remixes. Hooky has come a long way as a DJ since the last time we saw him and it was a very good time. (This pic is actually from another DJ set, as I couldn't find anything else)

Saturday was the day of rest and yesterday saw us head to Staten Island to check out some festival called Across the Narrows that sounded like a bad idea on paper and actually was probably less of a good idea in execution. Basically it was take a bunch of good bands, like The Killers, Beck, Oasis and the Pixies, find some decent or at lest well-known opening acts, like Interpol, NY Dolls and Doves, balance it out with unknowns and then spread it over 4 shows in two days in two locations. Well, thats a great way to fill up half the venue and lose your money, but I'm not a businessman, so I digress. So as much as I like The Killers these days, my money was going towards the Oasis gig, obviously, because it contained current tour-mates Kasabian (relax, I'll go easy), Doves (who I had never seen) and a slot from the reunited Lemonheads (faves of G and I from way back.

The festival people were nice enough to post exact start times for the bands, so we knew when to get there, thanks to Brandt, we made it to an earlier Ferry and caught the horror known as Jesse Malin. Imagine Judd Hirsch gone indie. Terrible, but worth a few laughs, especially when he said "New Yorkers are not from America, they are from Rock N Roll". Spittake central. Thank fuckfully, Kasabian came on and stole the day to a very excited crowd. Look, fight me all you want, but they've got it. The new stuff is great, especially STUNTMAN, and they play every gig like its the last one ever. They better retain this drummer guy for the second album. He's fierce. Even though the mix was off and loud as fuck, I felt like I was 16 again discovering music for the first time. Totally worth going early.

The Lemonheads came on and bored the fuck outta me, playing all the songs I didn't know or couldn't remember. Luckily, they played IT'S A SHAME ABOUT RAY, somewhat redeeming the set. Then the surprise of the day, DOVES, came on and having been told by everyone from Lurch to Fuss to Brandt they are boring live, I had very few expectations. I love the new album and damn these guys were fucking ON today. If they played every gig like this, I would see them a million times. Looks like we caught them on a good day cause they were phenomenal. I couldn't believe how much I liked them live. Maybe I caught them on a good day, but I'm glad we did, cause they totally made up for the fact that Jet, who played after them, are the worst shit ever. EVER. Except Jesse Malin, who is the living embodiment of The Worst.

Oasis came on and they were almost the opposite of the MSG gig earlier this year. Liam was Grumpy and I guess I would too if i went from MSG to some baseball field. Anyhow, they did the "paycheck" set, which is about 5 songs shorter than the set they have been playing on this tour. No encore. Quick in and out. After Kasabian and Doves, it seemed like a big let down. It was. Can't win 'em all. We had MSG. They'll be back eventually and they will be fucking great. We just got lucky we saw two opening acts having very ON days and an headliner who was having an off one.

And now, it's time to listen to the new Depeche Mode album...fingers crossed. Again, if you wish to be a member of this blog, feel free to drop me a line. Anus (who I now think is Jesse Malin or the guy who chatted of B in the loo yesterday with his weenie out) did.

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