The Big Con

LA and San Diego is now a blur. LA was, for a change, the easy part of the trip as I got to catch up with many wonderful friends, starting with my usual Crepes with Cramps:



Though I don't have many photos of my LA adventures, a lot of time was spent with my host, the handsome Roberto, and many meals were had with Business Affairs, who happens to have a sweet new corner office (I may have mentioned that already, I'm just that impressed by it. I even got some Leo time in, which was a welcome morning at Bobs, where we caught up for the first time in ages.

San Diego was fucking mental. That's all I can say. There was more Statham as well as interaction with many names that many of you comics and film geeks (like myself) would mark out for like nobody's business. I wised up this year and did all my shopping on the first day (the usual DVD purchases from Drunken Master as well as the Star Wars Con exclusives) because wouldn't you know it, and this is no shock to anyone, I never got more than 45 minutes on the convention floor per day. I particularly enjoyed the parties this year, especially DC's as well as the new company I have the pleasure of being employed by. Also, many of my friends from Japan visited, which was a special treat as I have never seen them in the States (or in casual clothing). The W hotel cracks me up. They're fun, but noisy. Enjoyable when it's not your money I guess and man did I enjoy it.

While in San Diego, I ran into some old friends, some of which I was excited to see:



Others, no so excited to see:



Besides the Hamill babies, nothing was better than announcing our newest project and having a few drinks with one of my heroes:



Someday, a lot of what went on will make it in either my autobiography (ghost written by Lurch should I live long enough) or my biography (Written by Kruger should I not live long enough), but either way, I promise many tales to tell when someday those stories can harm no one. Until then....

My time is short. I beg forgiveness. The annual August Uncle duty begins this weekend, when Irene and I travel down to VA Beach to get the ever awesome nephew to bring him back to his beloved NYC for the month. His birthday will be celebrated, as will mine. Knowing that, don't give me any shit about the lack of updates here (some of you do that you know!). I just want to focus on being an uncle and a musician in the month of August. I know I have a lot of music reviews to update here, but it requires the attention I don't have at the moment.

As always, I must end with more Kruger baby awesomeness, who sadly we will probably not be able to see this summer at their beach house. However, here's some cuteness:

HAMILL BABY MADNESS SPECIAL

I'm sorry to start from the END of my San Diego trip, but man this was the highlight. Watching Danny with his nephew and niece was the BEST. I skipped the Comic Con on the last day so Danny, his sister and her kids could come visit me at the hotel. This might have been the best few hours of what was already an amazing trip (more soon). Danny's niece is the cutest little thing and his nephew is the funniest kid I have met in a long time. His impersonation of the Muppets ANIMAL is priceless. This kid is one in a million and has the charisma to light all of Hollywood. Observe:

NARCISSE 1/TIME WARNER 0. GAME OVER.

July 25, 2006
To: Time Inc. Employees
From: Ann Moore and John Huey
Re: Teen People

We regret to inform you that we are suspending publication of Teen
People magazine, effective with the September 2006 issue. We will
continue to invest in the brand through TeenPeople.com which shows
promise and growth. Teen People's groundbreaking launch in 1998 as a
magazine and website was an industry first, and one that we remain
proud of.

Transported

Greetings from Westwood, where I am staying with my friend Robert, who is housesitting here. It's nice to have a bedroom, bathroom, etc all to myself. My schedule here is lighter than usual, mostly because everything is going on in San Diego this week, and I will be travelling down there on Thursday for the big Comic Con. However, in the meantime, I give you this hint, sometime tomorrow search the net for yours truly, something might pop up.

Los Angeles is hot as fuck. It's been a fun trip so far because of the lighter schedule. No rushing, nice wheels, and the silly fucking satellite radio that I find impossible to change from the '70's station. I usually report my celeb sightings, but yesterday I had two celeb encounters which I must report. First was the motherfucking transporter himself, JASON STATHAM, who I saw sitting on a couch at an agency. Almost without thinking, I introduced myself and I am happy to report that this tough guy is really nice in person. It was brief but I was the envy of many. Literally within the next hour, I was introduced to comic superstar GRANT MORRISON, who is about to do what should be a great stint on BATMAN. He too was nice, as was his wife, and hopefully I can meet them again in San Diego.

A dinner with Irene's mom (soon to visiting NYC) on Sunday and dinner last night with Business Affairs (who has a sweer corner office now), have kept me well fed. I am happy to be recognized at Cabrea as a regular again, and I have found new pasta dish that features the sauce used for my long departed agnolotti, so happiness all around.

Before leaving, I had the privledge of meeting my new niece. Her name is Stella and we spent the day together on Saturday:



She is a big hit with the family, all of whom seem to be angling to kidnap her in some way. I would too. What a good puppy. And how can one discuss the new baby without discussing the king of all nephews, seen here surfing in the Pacific Ocean two weeks ago:





HIs return to NYC is now set for July 31 and he will be appearing all month, so book it now.

IN other news, the departure of Karloff from Kasabain is a huge blow for my favourite band, the effects of which probably will immediately be felt in their live show (depending if this guy from Mad Action can handle the gig) but have longer ranging effects. It now becomes about the third album. I know the second album isnt even out yet, but the first full non-karloff album will be the true test. I was just joking with someone how none of these new bands can seem to survive with the original members intact. A shame.

F

First mistake

This tidbit from kasabian.co.uk does not portend good news...

"Kasabian Announce The Departure Of Chris Karloff:
Lead guitarist/keyboard player Chris Karloff and Kasabian have parted company

Karloff and the band experienced certain creative and artistic differences during the writing and recording of their second album. These irreconcilable and diverging approaches resulted in the band asking Karloff to leave the group. Karloff will pursue a musical career elsewhere."

BALTICA 9: THE JC EDITION

HEY LADIES....

Here's a little sweet somthin' for ya...

HEY BUDDAY...

DRUNKEN MASTER

"Action star Jackie Chan reportedly leaped on stage during a concert in his native Hong Kong while under the influence of alcohol. The actor had been invited to attend the performance by Taiwanese singer/songwriter Jonathan Lee on Sunday by the singer himself, but unexpectedly took to the stage and disrupted the show by hurling insults at the crowd - reports the Ming Pao Daily News. The newspaper claims Chan told the crowd he was drunk and wanted to sing a duet with Lee. The Rush Hour star also attempted to conduct the band, but only managed to start and stop them several times. Chan's spokesman, Solon So, has refused to comment"

Update (aka THE BEST DAY EVER aka NO ONE CAN SCORE AN ASIAN)

You may recall earlier this year when I wrote about the WORST night ever, which included seeing DOMINO and the false promise of Dulli in some frat bar on the Bowery. Easily the worst night ever. I am happy to write to you now about the BEST day ever. But first, an update.

Irene and I made a rare appearance in Brooklyn (shhh, dont tell the neighbors) on Thursday night to celebrate the birthday or Brandt's ladyfriend, Allison Brown (the photographer). She's a sweet kid. Here, in an exclusive photo, Brandt and Irene spend 10 minutes talking about "Doug" until I point out they are both talking about two different Dougs, leading to big laughs. Brooklyn will do that.



The next night, Irene and I checked out the PIRATES sequel. Honestly, I fucking loved it. Oh, it's not a good movie, everything is very convenient, but about an hour in, it takes off and just doesn't stop. Its not Matrix2, so take that as a good sign. Seriously. Great ending, tons of fun. AND they're supposedly gonna have Chow Yun Fat in the 3rd one! This was the best sequel I have seen in awhile and possibly the one modern franchise that can go the distance. It's huge and fun and for the first time, I liked Orlando Bloom, who seems more confident and swashbuckler-y. The Depp of course, owns and was just gay enough for me to love it!

THEN came the best day ever. Thanks to Allison Brown (the photographer, romantically linked to Hypefactor guitarist Brandt) who made it so I couldn't work on music with Brandt, and thanks to Charles (the musician, known for how he speaks to people) for getting sick so I couldn't go to Ash's to work on music with the cobras, and thanks to Ash for being, well, Ash, I found myself with members of the MOGpac offshoot THE LAST DAYS OF DISCO, who invited me to Coney Island for the day. Nathans was eaten and laughs were had. Here's what we learned at Nathans:



After checking out the Coney scene, our tipsy asses walked down the boardwalk to Brighton Beach, where we found a Russian bistro that would serve us Caviar and BALTICA 9 (one of the two drinks on this planet you are not supposed to give me). The Kidd wisely chose Baltica 3 and even the waiter gave us the "Baltica Speech" ("9 is too strong"), but G, Lurch and myself disregarded these warnings:



This of course led to much trouble and the usual embarassment that comes with being MOGpac in public. Those of you who understand this know what I am saying (Ash and Matt!), and for the rest of you, it cannot be explained. We had a fun afternoon with the Russians. the Kidd showed them his tattoo (that he got in Russia) and they laughed. Look at Danny's appropriate wardrobe choice of the day:



Then we returned to Coney and engaged in what is called SHOOT THE FREAK, which is the most vile shit ever, but yet the greatest in which you try to paintball another human being who is running around an alley. I have a vague recollection of doing this but recall G or the Kidd complaining that the 'freak" we were shooting at was not as good as the last one they tried to kill:



Then finally, after YEARS of waitng, i one-upped that douche John Darryl Sparks (who never got to ride because Kruger and I beat him up) and finally got to BUMP BUMP BUMP my ASS off on the Coney Island Bumper Cars. This was the best and most legal way to engage in some drunk driving:



And then finally, after a day of drinks, freak shooting, City Of God Volleyball, and God knows what else (I forgot to mention at one point I wandered to the beach and scored some beer from some nice people), we rode the dreaded rickety ass Cyclone:



I SUCK on these things, but I did alright here. I rode this shit with Kruger back in the 90's. This time was fun, despite my being a massive screaming bitch and punching the head of whoever sat in front of me. In the end it was fun and painless (relatively).

Then it was back to Nathans, for more beer and hot dogs and where Danny made love to a table.



Then we got on a train and went back to the city. I made it home in time for dinner and Irene only complained I "reeked of booze", then she cooked and i passed out. The lads went onto to the continue the Last Days Of Disconess. I know left tons out, and the guys have helped me here, as they did with the Montreal trip last year, with some words, which I present to you here (I'm sure we will be adding to this):

Danny's thoughts on THE BEST DAY EVER:



If you are frightened to ride the cyclone, sure to have a couple of Baltica 9's in you before you ride. It takes the fear away. Just ask that man at Ash's gig who nearly had his ass fucked.

I'm also fairly certain that's how the freak gets by after a long day of being shot at. If that gig wasn't a stones throw from Brighton Beach restaurants that keep Baltica on hand he'd have been Lurch's patient at Bellvue long ago

Check the Cheese fries for alien substances like one would check the beach volleyball games for fitness.

The Kidd's comments on THE BEST DAY EVER:



"Thank you." Addressed to the Fitness who retreived the volleyball
"This is us at Eighty."
"Try harder, City of God."

Lurch recalls his memories of THE BEST DAY EVER:



Frank gives a girl an eating disorder: "That girl's THICK."

Danny: "You graduated?" Frank: "This is like the van
conversation all over again."

The old dude in the Christ pose at the cold air station
getting watery air blown on his crotch: Me: "Refreshing."

"She's from Bang Bros. MILF Lessons." Frank: "I feel like I'm
missing a whole world of internet porn because I keep reading
about comics and wrestling."

"My First Dough Entry Dot Com."

Bag Tags up the Boardwalk

Don't know if this counts, since it slightly predates our
afternoon, but I like it anyway: The Kidd greets us: "If you
could be any of the gladiators from 'Running Man,' who would
you be?"

The Kidd vomiting in his mouth because Frank pulled out the
dirty napkins.

"I'm staying at the W." Three finger sign. "Yeah. That'll
happen." Later translated as: "Yeah, I'll bundle up my
cancer-ridden baby nephew to come visit you at the W."


Mr. Factor had no statementin regards to THE BEST DAY EVER:




And finally, look at this handsome boy (who luckily was hundreds of miles away in the safety of his parents arms while all of the above was happening). WHO do you think gave Avy Podboy this outfit?



Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

F

IF I CAN BE FRANK FOR A MINUTE...

SO i originally started this the night i got back but lost the desire to post. i happened to check out nitzerebb's myspace page tonight and noticed something interesting in one of the videos that was posted: the back of my head. since i dont do anything terribly embarrassing, and if you dont care about a song spoiler... http://www.myspace.com/nitzerebbmusic (i would advise one to *stop* the audio track that automatically runs at the top of the page before starting the video.). i havent even read what's below aside from what i just wrote, so forgive me if its lame. cheers...



Sunday - 02.07
leave JFK for my first day-flight to europe. coincidentally enough, it was the first time that virgin was offering the flight i was on. arrive london shortly before 7p local time. made my way to uber-posh chelsea where i'm staying at my sister's flat. king's rd is beautiful, the people are more beautiful. had dimsum takeaway.
Monday - 03.07
FUCKING HOT! they have this television ad that depicts a typical london summer: people are walking around miserably during an overcast afternoon and suddenly there is a break in the clouds and even changes into bathing suits and puts on sunblock and lays out in the streets...then the clouds cover up the sky again and everyone's depressed again. i was told by one cab driver that london gets 12 days of sun a year - i was there for 5 of them. anyway, walked from chelsea to hyde park corner where i paused for a break and watch a bunch of asian kids play soccer, then beyond picadilly circus to beyond soho and in and around holborn. met up with a friend that i worked with in the US. got to see the inside of a UK ad agency, met a london-based media recruiter, stopped by abbey road studios, crossed abbey road like they did, had (only the veggies will get this...) Quorn Cottage Pie for dinner...i love the Quorn products and i wish they'd expand it in the states to carry this. got trashed at friend's flat, went back to chelsea.
Tuesday - 04.07
Another scorcher. can't recall now what i did during the earlier part of the day, but during the evening i met up with some ex-pats at the london office of my old agency, then i met up with another media colleague based here that i had met in new york last year. i went with him to meet his mates at the pub where they've taken in most of the world cup. my expats friends showed up and suddenly the americans were taking over. happy fourth of july.
Wednesday - 05.07
It rained. and i slept in with the jetlagged and partying kicking my ass. waited for my sister to get home. we had indian take away and watched france beat portugal. heard all about her trip to africa which she is on right now. it was a nice way to recoup.
Thursday - 06.07
Made the journey to camden town. walked around the various shops for a few hours. had a few pints and some salt n vinegar crisps at the pub that is across from the world's end/underworld. bought a souvenir for jax. made my way back to chelsea by walking down to embankment (which is a far fucking walk). en route had a pint at the sherlock holmes pub (i don't think it was actually a theme-pub...the clientele was all workforce and not touristy) and a tesco-express sandwich for dinner. i used to make fun of londoners for their pre-packaged sandwiches...oh well. sister got home from work at 1am (the joys of investment banking). we listened to music until 3am and then she woke up at 430a to go back.
Friday - 07.07
Staying up til 3a was not a good idea for her b/c she was home at 1p, which was good so that she could prepare for her trip saturday morning. i did nothing during the early part of the day but in the evening i met up with a high school friend who has been here for over two years. it was a lot of fun b/c we got a chance to talk shop for while...me being in advertising/media and she being in marketing research. sounds lame and it is but we were on the same page. we then meet up with her boyfriend and some of there friends at a pub that if i had not physically walked there with her i never would have found in a million years. if i were considering investing in a pub, this is certainly the last place i would have placed it. the area wasn't bad but it was beyond tucked away in an alley. after the pub my friend, her b/f and his good friend and i head up to camden to got to a very tasty tho decor-confused vietnamese restaurant (aren't the waving cats japanese?). dinner wrapped up shortly after 11p and then my friend and i headed over to the electric ballroom for a night of london goth?/industrial?/???. sadly, dj rex is no longer spinning on friday nights, so much of my entertainment for the evening was lost. i think the highlight was when we went upstairs to the metal room and AIC's 'them bones' was being spun.
Saturday - 08.07
The day started off with my sister and i walking around chelsea for some last minute shopping before her african excursion. i picked up the muse absolution live dvd for a friend of mine and i need to be sure i burn it before giving it to her b/c i don't have a pink multi-regional dvd player and i don't want my imac to switch over. i'm very excited to see this dvd and the band itself live in august b/c of the three 'best live act of 2005' accolades on the cover. after our shopping, we enjoy another tasty dimsum lunch from an even better restaurant around the corner from her flat. while she finished her packing i made my way over to stamford bridge, home of the chelsea blues football club. it's literary a 10min walk from my sister's flat; if i were her i'd try to get season tickets and master the art of the curb-kick (oh wait...), but that would be impossible - i don't even want to know how long the waitlist is. now...my raison d'etre. the point of this trip has arrived. sister leaves. i hopped on the #19 bus up to islington, home of slimelight. after watching terence fixmer's set (not bad, actually) and some other local act that was supposedly by douglas mccarthy's personal request - the real fun was to be had - NITZEREBB took to the stage. i won't go in to it in too much detail for the sake my my friends who will be seeing them in nyc, but needless to say it was extremely fun and a great sight to see and experience. the best thing was the intimacy of it all...for those who remember the venue, imagine seeing them at coney island high. fortunately, brits are wims when it comes to shows so i was able to secure a spot in the front just off center. the highlight of the the evening (my life?) was douglas mccarthy's acknowledgement of two of the more painful hours of my life that i wear on my left elbow. post-gig: sucked. i stuck around slime for a bit but decided to go home so that i could enjoy my final full day in london, but i couldn't find a black cab, the mini-cab stand nearby that the NEP merch people showed me was overflowing. i hopped a nightbus with one of the NEP merch folks (phil) who escorted me to victoria station where i was able to catch a cab without a problem. i left the club around 130a and got home around 330a. but i was happy.
************************************************
(the following was written on 04.09.06 and is, therefore, much less verbose)
Sunday - 09.07
two words: FOOTY. worldcup finals and boy was this city hopping. i futzed around all afternoon packing for my trip home the next day so i didn't get out until i hit the doubledecker bus for islington for the second night in a row. i left chelsea as the final was starting and got to see it happening all across town; in central london there were people packed 5 or 6 deep OUTSIDE of the pubs. fortunately i had the almighty Dougie feeding me scores via SMS and the bus driver himself was relaying updates throughout the trip. so i get to islington and meet up with David, the bloke from chelmsford (NEP's hometown) who needed a ticket. as i'm meeting him i also say hello to gileZ & and some guy who was from cubanate but was not marc heal. the gig again was sick. they played two tracks that they didnt play the night before (one of them being one of my 3 favorite songs) and david gooday, the original percussionist and my myspace friend, came out and played on two tracks. the man is older and domesticated but you could still see the fire in him (after all, he's been quoted as saying "you never quite leave the ebb"). the post-gig party at slimelight was 'eh' and i needed to get home to finish packing so i left rather early.

RVdumb

This was the first time I was hard pressed to remember where I left off and thought, "shit, how am I gonna remember everything?". So I'm sure I'm gonna miss bit. I got the World Cup Fever, though both of my chosen teams, England and Argentina are now out. Oh Well. As I type, I am watching the early minutes of Italy V. Germany. I am of course partial to the Italians. This is fun stuff, especially the Duran Duran commericals on Sky One, which crack me up.

You are probably BBQ'ing or at the beach or being really lame and seeing Belle and Sebastian or something unmasculine like that. Me? I'm watching football after a gruelling vocal lesson. It's nice to lie on the couch and type at you. Poor Irene, yet again has to work on the holiday, which has become a tradition of now her racing home, us rushing to our roof (with half the people from our building) and seeing the fireworks, which is awesome because we have an unobstructed view of the event. Mega. Hopefully, she'll make it it in time to see it again.

This weekend was one nonstop even after the other. Friday night, Irene organized a great birthday even for her friend Lynell, who had a night I doubt she will ever forget and that I will struggle hard to remember. Our dear friend Robert was in town, (he is the LA based best pal of my Head of Business Affairs) to celebrate said HBA's club reunion festivities, but graced us with his presence for the birthday dinner, which took place at an awesome place called Forbidden City, which served some great Chinese Dim Sum dishes. I loved it. Then many drinks were had at Heathers, which was wonderfully decorated by Irene for the event. After a while, Robert went to join HBA, but not before having a wonderful summit with Lurch, who joined us for the rest of the evening. My memory of this is quite hazy, but the vibes remind me that a good time was had.

No rest of the weary as Saturday so irene and I get Robert on his way to Westchester before we had to dash to NJ for young Sarah's college graduation party. This was a fun afternoon, despite our exhaustion, mainly because we hogged the legends known as Ben (my mentor) and Shirley, who despite being now in their ninties and eighties respectively, are in healthy, happy and awesome. It was also cool for Irene to see where I spent a great deal of my time, but man were we beat. That evening saw me dead on the couch watching wrestling and the underrated URBAN COWBOY till I passed out.

Sunday was a lighter day. Slept in. Went to Rebel Rebel and bought some CD's: The new Razorlight single (good), the new Muse album (surprisingly enjoyable) and David Sylvian's new project Nine Horses, which I heard in the store and bought on the spot and like a lot. A good record day. Then we ate French and watched Pirates of the Carribean in anticipation of the sequel, which we will rush to see in a few days.

Since we last spoke, Brandt sent out revised demos of the material Ash worked on the other night and goddammit they sound good. Monday was music day and it was a lot of Brandt playing with the 909 on SOLAR which was a success and then many hours of trying new things for DONT DREAM, JUST SCHEDULE, all of which didn't work. But that's a good thing as it proved to us that the song is ready for the next step. Paging Dr. Charles. Oh I might add we made a return trip for a Dumont Burger and it fucking rocks it. The evening was spent watching the great sport with the Harlem MOGpac, and man am I disappointed in Rob Van Dam, arrest for drug possession while holding the WWF belt and being pushed to the moon. Idiot.

Been chatting with Mattagement who is raoming the streets of London this week, if you're there and see him, buy him a carrot or something while he's buying me the NME (Kasabian on the cover, you know). I admire any American abroad checking out music (this time he is seeing the reunited Nitzer Ebb, respect).

Enjoy your holiday, kids.

F

What's in YOUR closet???