SITH (SPOILER FREE)

I am frustrated. I can’t tell you anything! I can’t talk about it. I can’t breathe a word of it. I feel so alone and isolated because I am the only person in my immediate circle of friends and family (minus one cousin who was not only at the same screening, but completely by coincidence, in the next fucking SEAT, true story) who has seen STAR WARS EPISODE 3: REVENGE OF THE SITH. Thanks of course to the great Byalick, future aunt, brilliant comedienne, and all around fucking great friend to again bring me to (for the last time) a STAR WARS movie weeks before it’s release. Though let me add that this only happened with the second and third films as Jon Favreau snaked me out of my EPISODE 1 screening tickets back in ’99 (last century, like him), thus leading to Byalick becoming the first Jewish chick to ever feel Catholic guilt. But I digress…

I of course, under gag orders in particular from Mattagement, will keep this as spoiler free as possible. But there I was at the Zigfield yesterday, remembering the 8 year old version of me who was pulled out of school by his mother (thanks Carol) to make sure I saw the first showing of EMPIRE in 1980. And I remembered that feeling in 1980 of wanting, no NEEDING this new movie to be IT, the STAR WARS you dreamt about for the past 3 years, because that first movie, the images and feelings it evoked, are embedded forever in our DNA. The nervous anticipation, the fear of it all going the way of THE MATRIX, and the genuine excitement of seeing new STAR WARS is very overwhelming. I’d be more relaxed being held at gunpoint at the Moscow train station. Anyway, after waiting WAY too long (almost 2 hours) for this movie to start, the lights dimmed, the curtains parted and thus began what I was hoping would be a REAL FUCKING STAR WARS MOVIE.

I was not disappointed. At all. Within minutes you could tell this was the real deal. I noticed immediately that the actors, in particular Hayden and Ewan, were extremely at ease with their roles. The first 45 minutes (aka “The part before the Sith hits the fan”) is classic happy-go-lucky STAR WARS. The witty banter, the innovative space battles, droid related comic relief, and awesome light saber action, are all here. Then it all goes to hell. I don’t mean the movie sucks, I mean the story goes tragic. Massively, and it’s GREAT. And it makes sense. And while I know a LOT about this world, there were even a few cool surprises in there. Plenty of “holy shit” moments for the old schoolers. Then it continues to go down a very dark path leading to the mother of all light saber throwdowns, some incredible Yoda action and answers to many of the questions we have all speculated about over the years.

I have few complaints, save one huge one. I’m going to hold off till after you have all seen it. But it was something I was looking forward to immensely that I had heard about. And it’s not there. And I’m pissed. It doesn’t kill the movie for me, but unless it pops up on the DVD, I’m gonna have one BIG issue with Mr. Lucas. To make sure this wasn’t a fan rumour, I went through the officially released script and read through the scene. It’s the only thing I can define as a true error on the part of the director.

I was really happy that not only did it not suck, it was REALLY FUCKING GOOD. The action was insane, the actors were more natural and gone was all the extraneous stuff of the past two movies. No fat here to be trimmed. Sith is a lean, (extremely) mean, Lucas machine that steamrolls you for two hours. This is the seriously good shit. The cheese is WAY down and the drama is WAY up. You get caught up in the drama. You feel for the characters and you especially feel like these two guys are trying to kill each other in the end. Yes, you know the ending, you know what happens, but man, getting there is a treat and a half. It was worth waiting 28 years for!

F