The Depressing Sounding Catch Up.

I don't even know where to start. I have neglected this blog so badly and I apologize. Looking at where I left off, which honestly isn't THAT long ago, seems like a lifetime. Well, it seems like it. I don't know how to catch you up. I figure, I'll ramble, you'll listen, and let's hope we can keep this bad boy together.

I've said this before, but as we reach the end of the 09, I can truthfully say this has been the weirdest and most surreal year of my life. Incredible highs and some of the most horrible lows I have ever experienced. It's been a year of drastic change. Some for the better some for the worst, and while I'm usually that optimistic guy, which you know if you read this blog regularly, I know there are some more speed bumps ahead. It's just how it is now. There's been a loss of innocence I didn't even realize I still possessed and I'm still trying to hold on to some of the things that made me ME. I lost a bit this year, but I also reclaimed some. It's a struggle.

As some of you know, I've been spending a good 50% if not more of my time out west. That's what's really holding this blog up. I have good friends and family there, like Vik, and I often get to see Cramp or Dr. Fury, but it's left me feeling displaced and anxious, especially when I'm NOT on a plane somewhere. I need to be on the move. I don't know why. It just is what it is. We should have toured more. (Ironically, I type at you from Laval, outside of Montreal, where I am spending the week locked up in my sister in law's house, watching my 11 year old nephew, my pride and joy, while she is away in China.)

Anyhow, the last trip really fucked me up. I think everything that happened this year professionally just caught up to me and kicked me in the ass in one fell swoop. My traditional "year end illness" came early and after three weeks of living on a couch, being away from home, and dealing with a ton of bullshit in the last 12 months, starting with the collapse of The Spirit, my body decided to just quit on me. Coupled with this was the horrible tragedy that saw our musical hero, Jerry, taken from us. It fucking crushed me in a very real way, a way that I still haven't figured out how to properly deal with yet. The distance of being so far away from it, while the guys were there, in it, dealing with it together, compounded the pain I was feeling. Honestly, Brooklyn seems completely different to me because this has happened. I go to his memorial website, http://jerryfuchs.net/ every day hoping to find a new nugget of information. A photo. A video. Anything to bring me a little closer.

So besides this trip to Montreal, which is uncle duty (something I welcome) I've made it so that I'll stay in NY for a spell to recharge and rev up for 2010, which will hopefully be a better year. Who the hell knows...

I'll try go get a little more positive in the next one. Hey, I got some concert tickets today, to see MUSE and EDITORS in 2010. That's a good start.

F