The Single Greatest Thing I Have Ever Seen On the Internet

Tonight, even though he wasn't here to watch wrestling, I have learned so much about my friend Evan. We went to High School toghether, lived together for a short period at NYU, and have remained freinds for much of our adult lives. He is a freelancer nowadays, you know what that means, but he, being a good friend picks up my comics for me when I am away, and is very good to my nephew. However, I have just learned that he, being a freelancer participated in some dating bullshit for Essence Magazine. I have never cried laughing this hard to anything I have ever seen on the internet. Ever. Thank you Lurch for pointing all this out to me. Also I have just learned that Evan has a blog that I am not mentioned on: http://freedomsuite.blogspot.com/ enjoy

Here is his dating profile. I have added my comments in caps...


Should She Go Out With Him?




EVAN, 35 (TRUE)
PROFESSION:
Freelancer writer (HILARIOUS, HE'S ACTUALLY A "TV PERSONALITY" IF YOU WATCH LOCAL NEWS BEFORE 7AM ON WEEKENDS)
SIGN: Cancer (I THINK SO)
EMAIL ADDRESS: evan@essence.com (I POPPED SO HARD FOR THAT)


DATING HISTORY: He had a live-in girlfriend from a five-year relationship, but they parted ways a few years ago. (I COULD DO A BLOG JUST ON THIS PART, INCLUDING HOW HE INVENTED THE LEGENDARY "FAKE WEDDING" GIMMICK THAT DAN HAMILL HOLDS IN HIGH ESTEEM)

WHAT HE'S LOOKING FOR: An intelligent and funny woman with "nerdy tendencies" who is passionate about arts and culture. "Somebody who's so passionate that they can't always keep their composure about it." (THAT'S NEWS TO ME, AND PROBABLY TO HIM)

FOR A FIRST DATE: "We'd go to a book reading for one of my favorite authors, head to a hip-hop concert for an artist such as De La Soul or Tribe Called Quest." Dinner would follow. (DIDN'T ALL THOSE BANDS BREAK UP? GO SEE BJORK AGAIN OR SOMETHING. TAKE HER TO FUCKING NOODLETOWN, THAT WILL GET YOU LOADS OF PUSSY)

HOW YOU'LL KNOW IT'S GOING WELL: "I'll be laughing (LIKE FRANK GORSHIN) a lot and cracking a lot of jokes (I HAVE NEVER HEARD THIS MAN CRACK A JOKE IN 15 YEARS)."

TRUE CONFESSION: Other than playing younger brother to his fraternal twin brother he's currently working on a book about black culture with Mos Def (OK THOSE ARE BOTH KINDA TRUE).

HE'S A GOOD BLACK MAN BECAUSE: "I can recognize the challenges facing us as a people and rejoice in what we bring to the world." (AS LONG AS HE DOESN'T DANCE OR SCRATCH A TURNTABLE LIKE JACK FROM WILL AND GRACE, WE'RE COOL)

WHAT HE LOVES ABOUT BLACK WOMEN: "They have individuality, and yet they balance that with a groundedness that helps the people in their lives keep a sense of perspective." (HENCE, HE DATES AN ASIAN)

Ok so now , watch the video of him dating this chick here: http://www.essence.com/essence/30datesin30days/vg_michelle.html His date is the first one. Sadly you can't embed the video, but make sure you look at the comments to see the raping he gets from all the women of NYC. Youll never work in this town again, son! Stick to the videogames and the backseat of the minivan!

God Bless You Lurch.


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