I thought nothing could top the aggression reunion, but this does:
"Up for auction is Vincent Gallo's sperm. Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro fertilization. (A $50,000 value) If the first attempt at in vitro fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical costs related to additional attempts. Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself. Those of you who have found this merchandise page are very well aware of Mr. Gallo’s multiple talents, but to add further insight into the value of Mr. Gallo’s sperm, aside from being multi talented in all creative fields, he was also multi talented as an athlete, winning several awards for performing in the games of baseball, football and hockey and making it to the professional level of grand prix motorcycle racing. Mr. Gallo is 5’11” and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it’s a boy. (8 inches if he’s like his father.) I don’t know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can’t hurt. Mr. Gallo also presently maintains a distinctively full head of hair and at the age of 43 has surprisingly few gray hairs. Though his features are sharp and extreme, they would probably blend well with a softer, more subtly featured female. Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar. To be clear, the purchase of Mr. Gallo’s sperm does not include the use of the name Gallo. The purchaser must find another surname for the child. Good luck bidding."
http://cgi.ebay.com/Vincent-Gallo-Sperm_W0QQitemZ7558568610QQcategoryZ197QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
31.10.05
30.10.05
28.10.05
"No, REALLY?"
George Takei Says He's Gay. I never even once thought this. ever. Someone get Shatner on the phone ASAP.
F
26.10.05
Stalked!
Speaking of fine wool, this was just posted on www.ashleysaunders.com:
503: CELEBRITIY SIGHTING: FJ
I saw FJ walking south on 5th Avenue when I was out for lunch.
He was surrounded by a massive entourage, so it's understandable that he didn't see me. It's probably a good thing, too, because the wind had rocked my hair like a hurricane. So while I didn't get to enjoy talking to him, I did have the pleasure of sending him a stalkerish text about it.
503: CELEBRITIY SIGHTING: FJ
I saw FJ walking south on 5th Avenue when I was out for lunch.
He was surrounded by a massive entourage, so it's understandable that he didn't see me. It's probably a good thing, too, because the wind had rocked my hair like a hurricane. So while I didn't get to enjoy talking to him, I did have the pleasure of sending him a stalkerish text about it.
Wool!
Ok, I'm back. I beat the main part of THE WARRIORS and have returned to grace you with the self-indulgence you pay no money to read ever so often here. So I'll get right down to it:
*THE WARRIORS game makes up for the fiasco that is the "Ultimate" version of the film recently released on DVD. Outside the Lucas games and the 007 games, this might be one of the best adpatations I can recall in the videogame world. The guys who did this game LOVE the source material and have created something so true to the movie that the attention to detail to charcters and that universe is occasionaly scary. Three complaints: 1. It's too short (the actual events of the movie are the least interesting parts of the game), 2. The camera needs improvement (difficult when you have dozens of people fighting) and 3. The post-story universe should have been all of Manhattan as opposed to just part of Coney. These are minor complaints, though I feel a sequel to the game could be fucking massive. Great game.
*My non-STAR WARS or BATMAN movie of the year could be KISS KISS BANG BANG, which marks the full-force return of Robert Downey Jr. and the start of a new, hopefully non-insane, phase of Val Kilmer's career. This sharp, witty tour de force by LETHAL WEAPON creator Shane Black, in his directorial debut, is nothing short of hilarious and excellent. I loved this movie beyond words and you can't believe the chemistry between Downey and Kilmer. And I must praise the actress MIchelle Monaghan, (who was awesome in CONSTANTINE before all of her scenes were chopped out), who, along with Rachel McAdams, might be the breakout star of the year. She stands toe to toe with two screen vets and hold her own with no problem. This is a great film and certainly one of my faves this year. Check this out.
*Depeche Mode have a new album out and of course we have tickets for their December 7 gig at the Garden. The new album is being widely praised as their best since VIOLATOR, which is where I start looking for the publicist who is trying to earn a paycheck. (Hello...it was called SONGS OF FAITH AND DEVOTION). Is the new album good? YES! Very good, in fact, much better than the last one, which I liked a lot. Is it their, like, best shit ever? No, but again it's REALLY FUCKING GOOD, and I think people are praising it because it in no way sucks. As I had hoped, Dave wrote a few songs and they are the ones i like best on the album, especially the track NOTHING'S IMPOSSIBLE. However, Gore should have let him do half of the album cause the songs where Gore sings are the weakest on the record. Anyhow, 25 years and still rolling. The next step though HAS to be a reunion of some kind: either with Flood or, preferebly, Wilder. Until then, it's no doubt the show will be nothing short of great.
*My ALMOST Album Of The Year is Leandro Fresco's LIZ SIN CALOR. Fresco is a well known electronic musician made famous to us via his work as Cerati's programmer, remixer, and as 1/3 of Cerati's awesome, yet still unreleased, electronic project Roken (which also features the talents of Cerati's longtime collaborator Flavius E, whose new album CONJUNCTION, is quite good as well). B and I have been tracking Fresco's records down for years and Brandt has recently become pen pals with the guy via E-mail. This new CD is a super album of warm electronics that just feels fresh and alive. He even samples an obscure Duran album track. The reason this album is not Album Of The Year and it's SO close, is because it's too short and needed like two more great tunes to round it out. It's certainly top 5 of the year. It was a nice surprise to see this come out as we thought between the Roken gigs and Fresco being involved with Cerati's new album, that there was nothing new on the horizon. Brandt loves that this guy sometimes goes topless. www.Leandrofresco.com
*I finally made it to Brandt's new place in Brooklyn, which will be our new recording HQ and it's a pretty sweet space. Very comfortable and a lot more room than the Birdcage. We spent Sunday going through the HF album and what needs to be done and started coming up with a the gameplan to get this fucker on track. It's gonna sound fucking awesome and I'm back at work editing, tweaking etc. This new space will raise the comfort level quite a bit, I think. I want to call it Studio Anus, but I think we need to wait a bit before christening the space. Meanwhile, the dog still wants to eat shit, but I digress...
*Speaking of eating shit, your friend, not mine, Anus McManus wrote me twice recently. In one Email, which was a response to my previous blog entry, he mentioned something about me and James Remar's penis and in the one I received yesterday, he told me he wanted to poo in my mouth and called me a "blog bitch". Sadly I have run out of suspects, but I feel the culprit or culprits were here on Monday night.
*Vincent Cassel has a movie coming out where he beats the shit out of Clive Owen and tries to kill Jennifer Aniston. This sounds glorious.
F
*THE WARRIORS game makes up for the fiasco that is the "Ultimate" version of the film recently released on DVD. Outside the Lucas games and the 007 games, this might be one of the best adpatations I can recall in the videogame world. The guys who did this game LOVE the source material and have created something so true to the movie that the attention to detail to charcters and that universe is occasionaly scary. Three complaints: 1. It's too short (the actual events of the movie are the least interesting parts of the game), 2. The camera needs improvement (difficult when you have dozens of people fighting) and 3. The post-story universe should have been all of Manhattan as opposed to just part of Coney. These are minor complaints, though I feel a sequel to the game could be fucking massive. Great game.
*My non-STAR WARS or BATMAN movie of the year could be KISS KISS BANG BANG, which marks the full-force return of Robert Downey Jr. and the start of a new, hopefully non-insane, phase of Val Kilmer's career. This sharp, witty tour de force by LETHAL WEAPON creator Shane Black, in his directorial debut, is nothing short of hilarious and excellent. I loved this movie beyond words and you can't believe the chemistry between Downey and Kilmer. And I must praise the actress MIchelle Monaghan, (who was awesome in CONSTANTINE before all of her scenes were chopped out), who, along with Rachel McAdams, might be the breakout star of the year. She stands toe to toe with two screen vets and hold her own with no problem. This is a great film and certainly one of my faves this year. Check this out.*Depeche Mode have a new album out and of course we have tickets for their December 7 gig at the Garden. The new album is being widely praised as their best since VIOLATOR, which is where I start looking for the publicist who is trying to earn a paycheck. (Hello...it was called SONGS OF FAITH AND DEVOTION). Is the new album good? YES! Very good, in fact, much better than the last one, which I liked a lot. Is it their, like, best shit ever? No, but again it's REALLY FUCKING GOOD, and I think people are praising it because it in no way sucks. As I had hoped, Dave wrote a few songs and they are the ones i like best on the album, especially the track NOTHING'S IMPOSSIBLE. However, Gore should have let him do half of the album cause the songs where Gore sings are the weakest on the record. Anyhow, 25 years and still rolling. The next step though HAS to be a reunion of some kind: either with Flood or, preferebly, Wilder. Until then, it's no doubt the show will be nothing short of great.
*My ALMOST Album Of The Year is Leandro Fresco's LIZ SIN CALOR. Fresco is a well known electronic musician made famous to us via his work as Cerati's programmer, remixer, and as 1/3 of Cerati's awesome, yet still unreleased, electronic project Roken (which also features the talents of Cerati's longtime collaborator Flavius E, whose new album CONJUNCTION, is quite good as well). B and I have been tracking Fresco's records down for years and Brandt has recently become pen pals with the guy via E-mail. This new CD is a super album of warm electronics that just feels fresh and alive. He even samples an obscure Duran album track. The reason this album is not Album Of The Year and it's SO close, is because it's too short and needed like two more great tunes to round it out. It's certainly top 5 of the year. It was a nice surprise to see this come out as we thought between the Roken gigs and Fresco being involved with Cerati's new album, that there was nothing new on the horizon. Brandt loves that this guy sometimes goes topless. www.Leandrofresco.com
*I finally made it to Brandt's new place in Brooklyn, which will be our new recording HQ and it's a pretty sweet space. Very comfortable and a lot more room than the Birdcage. We spent Sunday going through the HF album and what needs to be done and started coming up with a the gameplan to get this fucker on track. It's gonna sound fucking awesome and I'm back at work editing, tweaking etc. This new space will raise the comfort level quite a bit, I think. I want to call it Studio Anus, but I think we need to wait a bit before christening the space. Meanwhile, the dog still wants to eat shit, but I digress...*Speaking of eating shit, your friend, not mine, Anus McManus wrote me twice recently. In one Email, which was a response to my previous blog entry, he mentioned something about me and James Remar's penis and in the one I received yesterday, he told me he wanted to poo in my mouth and called me a "blog bitch". Sadly I have run out of suspects, but I feel the culprit or culprits were here on Monday night.
*Vincent Cassel has a movie coming out where he beats the shit out of Clive Owen and tries to kill Jennifer Aniston. This sounds glorious.F